On being bullied.

If you’re here to read about horrible experiences of being bullied, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place.  I’m not here to talk about that – I was one of the lucky kids who actually had the adults stand on my side when bullies attacked me.  So I’m not really in a position to speak for those of you who did not have Real Grown-Ups ™ to depend on in the clinch, instead of the fake kind who either don’t know how to (in which case how did they get hired for a job they’re so eminently unqualified for?) or refuse to (in which case why haven’t they been fired?) do the right thing.  All I can do along those lines is be sorry.

No, I’m here to talk about being bullied by a fictional character.  How is that possible, you say?  I suppose I could quote F. Scott Fitzgerald here, but he’s not exactly what you’d call a sane source.  “Writers aren’t exactly people.  They’re a whole lot of people trying to be one person.”  Sometimes those “whole lot of people” get a bit out of hand in the writer’s brain.  Sometimes they don’t make a whole lot of sense.

Sometimes they want to go off on their own treks for their own reasons, and refuse to explain why until seven chapters later the writer realizes she’s either brilliant or she’s written herself into a hole from which she’ll never escape.  And you never know which until he’s done it.  Again.

No, those characters aren’t real.  And yes, planning and outlining ahead of time can be an excellent idea.  And, yes, I can hear all those rational writers out there saying, she’s not a real author because she treats this as an adventure she goes on rather than as a job she performs.  A self-published author at that.  Not a professional author at all, although if people are buying what I write isn’t that the definition of professional?  And they are.  A few of them, anyway.

And that’s a subject for a post I will never write.

Where was I?  Ah.  Being bullied by a fictional character who refuses to tell me What Happens Next ™.  Well, I have my methods, too, thankyouverymuch.  I have thumbscrews and the rack and all sorts of metaphorical torture devices.

And you know what the worst one is?

It’s refusing to write that character’s story.  So there.

I can move on to the next story, and the next character, one who’ll be grateful I listen to him and find his adventures entertaining enough to write down.  The recalcitrant fellow can’t find another author.  So he’d better sit down and start talking.  Now.

Later.  Well, and so.  The New Thing now has a title, among other things.  Zoetrope.  If you don’t know what a zoetrope is, here’s the Wikipedia article.  And Stephen is talking again.  He’s not the only one who can be a bully.